So I put them all in a VLC playlist and let them play away in the background, getting a nice chuckle from most, until suddenly I hear a girl, in apparent ecstasy, backed by a wild-times saxophone riff, moan out:
Ugh, my asshole's so tight the fucking whales can hear it when it squeaks! Mmm uhh!
Wow. Mind you, I have no idea where this came from. All I know is that I must have downloaded it from somewhere maybe 10 years ago, and in all that time, it's been preserved on a rewritable CD (remember those?).
I did some investigation, and it seems others know of this but also can't identify it. See Reddit comments here and here.
I also came across this "Roommate Confession" on CollegeHumor.com dated 2008 (relevant portions in bold for your convenience):
Sophmore year I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with 3 other guys. The 2 of us were "normal", clean guys, and the other 2, while we were friends with them, were pretty lazy and huge slobs. Only one of them had a computer, and he was usually at his girlfriend's place (who we couldn't stand). One Thursday night, after coming home to a trashed apartment, and a note that said he wouldn't be back until Monday, we had enough. My roommate, "Sam" is pretty computer savvy, so he put a program on slob's computer that would allow "Sam" to control it from his own computer. Needless to say, we messed with slob's computer. We downloaded a porn clip and took the audio from it, which was a chick saying, "Oh my ass is so tight even the whales can hear it when it squeaks," and set it as the sound for every single action. Monday rolled around and slob sat down at his computer to do whatever. Everytime he clicked on something, opened something, minimized something, etc, this chick's voice blared over his speakers, "Oh my ass is so tight even the whales can hear it when it squeaks." After a minute of him trying to figureit out, he could hear us laughing through the wall.A couple months later, his hamster got out of its cage and crawledinto his subwoofer, chewed through the cables, got electricuted anddied inside. So slob lost his hamster and a subwoofer the same day.
Dave, Univ of MN – Duluth
It is entirely possible that I somehow got hold of "Dave" from Duluth's handiwork. Well Dave, it's time the whole world enjoyed the fruits of your labor, for here now, I present to you that very clip. Enjoy.